My Date With A Libdude

If you haven’t already been repelled by my unladylike and objectionable behavior and mannerisms, this post will solidify everyone’s knowledge that I am indeed a Harridan.

A friend set me up on a date with this guy a while back.  She told me that he was a “Conservative.” I should have suspected something was up as this friend and I often play practical jokes on each other.  I decided to go into it with an open mind anyway.

I dressed nicely:  heels, dress with 3/4 length sleeves, neckline that didn’t show but a nuance of cleavage, hair, makeup (which I hate wearing), and simple jewelry which consisted of dangle pearl earrings, and a matching necklace.  (Another thing I rarely do because most jewelry makes be break out wherever it touches my skin.)

We met at a local “nice” restaurant, and our lovely date began.  We got to talking about this and that.  He knew I had tattoos and asked to see them, so I showed them to him by lifting a sleeve a bit.  I did it discreetly so that no one else could see.  He seemed interested, almost obsessed with them.  Told me how cool and awesome he thought they were, and asked to see more.  He went on and on about how he wants to get one too, but just doesn’t know what to get!

Things seemed o.k. until we started talking politics.

He asked me what my views were, so I explained that I’m an independent voter, then went on to describe some of my political views such as personal responsibility, accountability, small government, and how able bodied people who live in a perpetual state of dependency on government disgust me, and should be drug tested to qualify for benefits.

He asked me, “Well, what would you do?  Take all those people off benefits and just let them starve?”

“Yes,” I said, then added, “for them to get back on benefits they must work at a job chosen for them by the government.”

This horrified him.  I could tell by the look on his face.  I knew my friend had punked me, and had instead set me up with a liberal.  He went on for a little while longer on how views such as mine are selfish, and that its more noble to take care of those less fortunate.

I countered with facts and information.  He shot back with thinly veiled personal attacks.

It was clear that Libdude’s anger was about to reach critical mass as his face turned red, and the veins in his neck started to bulge.  As I sat there calmly leaning back in my chair, probably smirking, sweat accumulated on his brow.  I don’t know why, but I found that really humorous.  I couldn’t resist the urge to see if I could get his face to change from red to almost purple by going on and on about how ignorant, and sometimes even stupid liberals and Democrats are; that they cant debate unless they are calling names, or changing the subject.  Looking right in his eyes with a serious look on my face, I leaned forward and quietly said, “I cant imagine having to spend more than a minute or two in the presence of a liberal who is talking about politics!”

Ahh!  KABOOM!  There it was.  THAT was the money shot I was looking for.

He stood up right in the middle of the restaurant, threw his napkin on the table, and gave me what I’m sure he considered a dressing down.  It was a beautiful thing to witness; a liberal unraveling in public, for all to see.

He said, “You don’t know what Conservatism is, or what it means to be a Democrat!  My parents are both Democrats and voted for Obama!  They would NEVER say the types of things you’re saying.  I thought you said you were Conservative, and LOOK at all the tattoos you have!  My parents would be embarrassed to be even SEEN with someone like you!”

…or something similar.

He reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and slapped down a little over a hundred dollars on the table, then stormed out.  I was relieved.  We came in separate cars, dinner was paid for, I got to take his lobster home in a doggie bag.  I enjoyed my dinner and wine in peace.  He didn’t even give me the chance to offer to pay for half!  I did let the change go to the server though.

Libdude equated Conservatism with how many tattoos I had. It didn’t surprise me.  Many if not most who claim to be Conservative have no clue what it really means either.  That’s why I gave up on “Conservatives” and conservatism a long time ago.  Its embarrassing to have to admit I claimed to be one of them.  We all live and learn I guess.

What I learned most that night though, was to never go on a date with a Libdude!  Well, unless you are in it for comedic relief, free wine, and take home lobster!

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