The Arbiters Of Beauty

Who gets to define what’s beautiful?

Since it seems men get really upset if women talk about what is Alpha, and what is not, lets talk about it in another way.  Who decides what is beautiful, and what’s not?  Its been said that women cant be trusted to identify what real beauty is;  that we will tell other women that the cute short hair cut, or that outfit looks good on them (when it really doesn’t) because of some nefarious need to be prettier than other women.  Is this really the case?

I guess it depends on what type of woman you are.  There are four different types of women:

  1. The woman who will say you look great despite the fact that she knows the hair stylist gave you a butcher job.  She will also tell you that outfit looks great on you even though its too dated, too tight, and totally unflattering.  She figures she will look totally awesome standing next to you.
  2. The woman who beats around the bush (because she loves her bff) and wont tell you your hair looks terrible, but suggests different ways you can comb or curl it to make it more flattering.  Or, she will not say your outfit is atrocious;  she will suggest ways to accessorize it to make it work for you.
  3. The woman who will never tell you anything one way or another.  She’s too busy looking at herself in the mirror to acknowledge you even exist.
  4. The woman who tells you straight up that your hair looked better the way it was, or that outfit looks like something her granny would wear (on Halloween).

Which one of those women would you want to keep as your friend?  #1 is probably the kind of women described by men who think that women will only compliment other women if they have something to gain from it.  #2 you will probably never know how she really feels.  You may not be able to take her cues properly as ones telling you that pair of mom jeans look ridiculous.  #3 is probably a feminist.  #4 is too blunt.  Women don’t like #4.  They don’t want to hear what she has to say.  She’s seen as hard to get along with, and mean.

The best female friend I’ve ever had was a #4 woman.  She was hard to understand at first.  I wasn’t quite sure if we were going to ever truly be friends.  As it turns out, she was the one I was able to trust with anything, including honesty if I should ask her something.  She never offered her opinion on something with regards to my looks, or my attire.  If asked however, she would, and in great detail, give me a yea or nay.  Sometimes we as women see what we want to see when we look in the mirror.  Its nice to have a good female friend who has my best interests truly at heart.

Did other women like being around her?  Not really.  They knew enough about her to never ask her opinion on anything.  They suffered through her honesty before, and weren’t able to deal with the consequences of them asking her what she thought.  Many, if not most women don’t always like hearing the truth, especially from other women.  These women don’t really want an honest answer from another woman;  they want other women to reinforce what they already believe.  Woman:  “Doesn’t this outfit make me look so hot!”  #4 woman:  “No, it makes you look like a prostitute.”  Woman:  “Bitch!”  (Then she storms off and tells all her friends what a mean girl the #4 woman is.)

I’ll take a #4 woman as a best friend over any other type of woman any day of the week.  She doesn’t beat around the bush.  She doesn’t sugar coat things.  She tells you how she really feels.  You will never have to wonder what she really thinks because what’s on her mind comes out of her mouth.  Also, she’s the type of friend who will stop you from making the mistake of buying that paisley blouse, or getting that terrible spiky hair cut before you even get in the car to drive to the salon.

Can you trust a man to tell the truth about what’s beautiful, and what’s not?  I’m not so sure you always can.  I think men demonstrate some of the same character flaws as women do, but its plays out in different ways.  There are also four kinds of men:

  1. Men who will tell you that you’re beautiful because they are horny and haven’t been laid in over a week.  To them, you are a beauty queen (for about 3 minutes tops).
  2. Men who will say you look great because they know if they don’t, they will have to suffer your wrath.
  3. Men who wouldn’t tell you you look good under any circumstances.  They only see beauty in the cookie cutter model types with perfect bodies, perfect hair, and perfect style sense, and you aren’t it.
  4. Men who see beauty in all women.  They understand that there are many facets to what makes a woman beautiful, and accept a few flaws in women because they understand they have flaws of their own.  They don’t like obese or sloppy women, (who would want a man who does?) and wont spend too much time around them, but they love your silly quirks.

I’m pretty sure what type of man we would all want (or already have).

A common theme I notice with defining beauty, and being honest with each other about what we think, is that we all have different tastes.  (No kidding!)  #4 men and women have the most authentic take on it, so I like to surround myself with those types of people.

We’ve been talking about female beauty.  What do women find beautiful in men?  Again, tastes will dictate the answer.  Here are some photos of who I consider to be beautiful men:


In the photos above he has what some men may think are unachievable qualities: Perfectly fit body, perfect smile, gorgeous eyes, great looking hair, etc. Here is the truth about Daniel Craig. Yes, he’s gorgeous (for the love of all that is), but he’s far from perfect. When the camera catches his image under just the right conditions, he’s the epitome of masculinity. But he isn’t.

He’s got a receding hairline.


He’s got big ears.

In the wrong light he can look tired and scary.

He’s not really all that muscle bound. He’s just fit. Definitely not of the steroid freak brand.

Daniel Craig has some odd features, but put them all together and they work for him. We only get to see him under the most desirable circumstances. Just as super models don’t always look runway ready, men aren’t always gorgeous all the time either. What I find most interesting about this man is the way he moves – the way he carries himself.

This photo doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation.  But here is the deal about Ralf – he’s no spring chicken!  I wont tell you how old he is, but I will tell you to get his new album Delivering the Black. I’ve listened to it, and its pretty amazing.  He’s bald.  He’s tattooed.  He’s got an amazing voice.  I like it.

I don’t know what it is about this guy’s looks, but I’ve always had a crush on him.  If you look through many other photos of him, you’d think I was out of my mind as he’s not always cast in roles that make him appear attractive.  He’s just got a certain je ne sais quoi… The lines on his face?  They eyes?  Or just the expressive nature of his face?  Whatever it is, he’s got it (at least in my opinion).




Have mercy, yes!

As you can see, one woman’s tastes can be extremely varied. It all depends on who you are, and what you’ve been exposed to. Women seem to be more able to resist falling into the trap that media sets for us. We find beauty outside what the mainstream tells us is beautiful. Can men do the same? It would be presumptuous of me to claim that I know and understand what all men think. You tell me…

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